Geheimnisse is something I started back in early 2009, and it hasn't been touched for nearly two years. This was done when I first began to take my writing seriously, an idea inspired by a friend at the time. This was also at a time where the idea of a plan or a pre-written structure was something I never bothered with, and after reading this again I think it shows, as does the surprisingly dark nature that my writing had back then. Any comments, suggestions or outright criticisms are more than welcome, there's a comment box somewhere on this page so feel free to make use of it.
One
“She’s finally talking to me, brilliant” I smiled with a quiet satisfaction as she glanced up from the experiment in the room and I was forced to scurry away. It was a shame, I had half an hour to do nothing, but now she had seen me I couldn’t watch her anymore. But oh, the temptation was so great, now that I knew she had registered my existence. I’d secretly been pining for her for weeks; she was the perfect victim, the one I just simply had to have.
A force then came over me, some overwhelming desire that took over me almost instantly. I had to get away, fast. I needed to get anywhere, anywhere that I couldn’t see her from, and preferably somewhere dark. It was only February, and it was actually snowing for once, but I was still melting as though it was the middle of June. I really needed to get away now, I could feel myself being moved towards the door, if I didn’t stop soon I’d end up in that very lesson, and probably ending up taking her away with me, but given that that particular biology teacher was an absolute bastard I couldn’t do that. My hand was now on the handle, I could no longer hold back, I just had to accept my fate; I just prayed to God that she accepted hers.
But then, by fortunate coincidence or brilliant timing, I felt a sudden jolt behind my ears and I collapsed to the floor. “Come on you daft git, let’s go down to the store” a high voice came towards me and I knew right away who it was. Taylor’s timing was never usually that good, but occasionally it was, yet in this particular case I wasn’t going to be telling him why he had done something so good. I slowly got to my feet, shook my head so that my hair flew about as though I was some kind of spaniel, and started walking away, but deliberately looking back towards the window to catch a final glimpse of her.
This had been happening for a while now. Even though I’d had a girlfriend for over a year now, I didn’t love her. In fact, I despised her, but my only security was having her, so I kind of needed her to be with me. We got on, but whenever I started to think about it properly, we were never any more than friends. That's why I had found myself looking at lots of other people. I wasn’t disloyal, just unhappy.
Well, that was one reason. But there were many secrets that no-one knew about me. These were secrets that included my past, my mental state, my feelings towards other people, that kind of thing. I couldn’t even tell my closest friends; not only would I be disowned by them, but some bright spark would probably end up calling the police. I wasn’t doing anything that was actually illegal, I’d even been and checked that I wasn’t, but of course it’s so much easier to believe the fine selection of rumours that would inevitably arise. That's why I kept my whole life to myself, no-one needed to know, and I intended to keep it that way. But anyway, I digress. “Come on, are you coming or not?” I was drawn back into reality by the voice “Are you going to stop eyeing those girls up now?” I turned scarlet and instantly looked back at him; cursing the fact that I’d let my gaze slip back towards my potential victim. She was still doing that experiment, everything about her was just so perfect and...
I was actually slapped hard across the face this time. Taylor was now glaring at me, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Lost, just missing my girlfriend that's all, no need to worry”
“Well stop acting like a paedophile and let’s get out of here” and we left, that was it. I imagined that I wouldn’t see her for the rest of the morning, but then again, there were always other victims to watch in the meantime...
In order to go the stores, we had to sign out, which meant we had to go to the office on the other side of the school. But by the time we’d done that and were heading for the gates, the bells had gone, which meant that people were moving about. I stopped; that meant that she would be walking this way, but now that she knew me and that she was starting to talk to me it was going to be a bit more awkward than usual. Well, only for me, she didn’t have the problem of being actually obsessed with another girl, especially when I already had one.
As I left the rather drab and dull office, I turned and in my clumsiness ended up walking straight into someone. Oh God, it was her, I was suddenly confronted with a pair of deep, cerulean blue eyes, and staring directly at me and for just a moment I must have looked like a rabbit caught in headlights as I lost myself within them. I shook my head, muttered my apologies and skulked off, just praying to whichever god I believed in that she hadn’t noticed my dumbfounded expression too much. Oh well, her time would come, and I would have everything I’d always wanted.
The stores were only about a mile away, so that couldn't have been any more than a ten minute walk usually each way. Still, it seemed like an hour once Taylor started laying into me. "Ok, what the hell was going on back there?" I knew full well what he meant, but I was doing my best to look as oblivious as I could. "Don't give me that look; you know damn well what I mean. Honestly mate, I know you miss her and all that but this is bordering illegal."
"What, looking at one of my friends?" That involuntary force was building up inside me again, and I just snapped this time. "Where is the problem with me talking to some of my friends that happen to be a few years younger than me?" You're the one going out with a thirteen year old for god's sake; you of all people are unable to judge me!" I started breathing really heavily, wishing that I was actually strong enough to punch him right in the face. Surprisingly, and for once, he had no comeback for that one, so the rest of the journey elapsed in silence. That was fine for me, because now I had decided that I wasn't just going to be buying my lunch and a few bags of sweets.
The store was run by an old Indian couple, not being racist or anything but it seemed like every store around here was. They were good people, often we got discounts for probably being their only customers, but I had my suspicions about them. Maybe that was my own paranoia, but the man looked as though he would sell his own mother if I made him a good enough offer. I'd been in here enough, so I knew where everything was. I had been in here so much I was convinced there was a groove in the floor where I had been walking. I took my usual route, but this time instead of just buying sweets and a sandwich, I looked behind them at the back wall. "Can I have a pack of 3 razor blades as well, please?"
"I didn't know you shaved mate" Taylor piped up from somewhere near the back of the store.
"Uhh... yeah... just started, need to get some blades though" I stuttered my response, and the old man looked rather sceptical. I hurriedly paid the man and left, struggling to regain my composure outside. I was scared that I'd been rumbled, but somehow I had got out alive, well, and alive for now anyway. This was all starting to become too much. I could probably cope, if I stopped to try, but right now this seemed like the easiest solution, it would make me feel better for now.
But that was for tonight, while my dad and his girlfriend were out. I'd just sit there, lamenting for who I couldn't have and all of the other things that were going on in my life, and eventually I might start to feel better, either that or I'd lose consciousness, which could also be a good thing, I'd have to see when I got there. For now though, I just had to get back to school and then get home without them being discovered, which would be a tall order. Ever since I was caught with them last time random spot checks have been carried out, and I knew that it would be my luck that today there would be another one. I'd just have to make the excuse I was buying them for my dad, not that that worked last time, but oh well.
My thoughts were yet again interrupted by Taylor ambling out of the store. I looked at him inquisitively, and he grinned as he pulled out a rather large bottle of some cheap knock off vodka. We were all partial to a bit of booze every now and again, well, them more than me, but I'd never known him go through a whole bottle on his own before. So it looked as though we'd both be getting up to something we probably shouldn't be tonight.
He was a good kid on the whole. He was slightly taller than me, but then again I was rather short myself. He had short, black spiked hair and very dark green eyes that on some days looked as though they were actually black as well. His idea of school uniform was usually quite different as well, and instead of a "business like attire" that the school recommended, it wasn't beyond Taylor to turn up in black drainpipe jeans and a T-shirt with a slogan advertising Brazilian volleyball, or something as equally absurd. I was always in two minds to tell him that actually abiding by the rules could sometimes be a good thing, but I had two problems with this. First of all, me sneaking razor blades back into school was hardly playing by the book, and he knew as well as I did that he was the only friend that I had, and if I didn't have him then it was quite likely I was going to fall off the rails even more than I already had.
I glanced at my watch as we began to walk back and cursed. We only had five minutes to cover a mile otherwise we'd be late for our next lesson. I knew he couldn't have cared less about whether he was going to be late, but I had to be back in time for my next lesson, because I had the same biology teacher that she had had earlier, and he seemed in a bad enough mood as it was without me being late. I cursed again when I remembered that fact; I was probably going to be quizzed as to why I was watching his lesson earlier, but I was watching her, not anyone else, so I would just play dumb.
